peachesandplums

deep space

2012-01-22T19:57:00.000-08:00

"when you long with all your heart for someone to love you, a madness grows there that shakes all sense from the trees and the water and the earth. and nothing lives for you, except the long deep bitter want. and this is what everyone feels from birth to death."

-denton welch

-intro to my literature course description

stormin'

2012-01-20T21:11:00.000-08:00

it's raining. a lot.

and i conveniently forgot to buy new rainboots after my last pair fell apart. luckily, i wore tights to work today, so it was like airing out a screen instead of hours of soggy-ness.

but, now i am home. eating salad with bacon and listening to some violent showers beating against all the windows. it's like living inside a carwash. scout is sitting on my pile of clean laundry. perhaps we will just head for the covers soon. i wish i could stretch this moment for days.

TAL

2012-01-19T07:31:00.000-08:00

i am a nerd.

but i do not care.

cause this finally came in the mail today.

(this american life mug)

catch and release

2012-01-18T19:14:00.000-08:00

hello, busy bursts. that seems to be the theme this spring.

friday night i went to a reading in the mission with some school kids. well, first we got dinner at herbivore, which i didn't really realize was completely vegan aka anti-paleo. upside? i did get to have a tasty coconut ice cream milk shake. mmmm. i was briefly talking to my mom about paleo on monday and i do have to take a minute to appreciate how much fog city caters to all sorts of dietary needs (and boy do people have dietary NEEDS). i'm spoiled. it's great. i doubt i could walk into a cafe back in dallas and ask for an almond milk latte. come to think of it, i can't think of a coffee spot we ever went to that wasn't starbucks.

anyway, the reading. my acquanti-friend kh runs the every-other-monthly reading series and i'd been wanting to go for some time. he taught my city college class on fiction and wrote me a very nice rec letter before starting school. plus, i needed to scope out the scene. and it was very neat. heard some great stories, did some networking, and i think i'm going to try and submit for the next one. viva 2012!

saturday, went to mt. view for babysitting, top chef marathons and a triple-layer rootbeer float t made me with real ice cream that was insanely delicious and made me insanely sick. oh yeah, and there was french onion soup.

somewhere in all of that, i got sick for real and then spent monday getting well. it was great.

school started again on tuesday. tuesday was long. but great. it was nice to be around my classmates again and i'm thrilled with my classes/profs thus far.

wednesday, went to sb's place in oakland for a 'welcome-back-to-school' thing of sorts, which was very fun and shortly followed by a late-night trip to bob's donuts (24-hr-den-of-sin). more stomach aches. sugar-fueled dreams. but nothing compares to a crueller hot out of the fryer.

slow cooked

2012-01-15T09:36:00.000-08:00

carnitas, cabbage & siracha. mmm....

dig it

2012-01-14T21:38:00.000-08:00

gluten free pancakes, orange marmalade, bacon. woo hoo pancakes again. gluten free bread on the horizon.

made in the usa

2012-01-12T08:25:00.000-08:00

i'm reading this great book by julie budnitz. she came and spoke to our grad group this past semester. so mild-mannered. but, so brilliant. perfect alternate-reality friend material. it's short stories (gush). but really different in scope and tone. my head is awash with these strange, strange tales. i'm always amazed at the breadth of people's imaginations.

fly on the wall

2012-01-11T20:30:00.000-08:00

i spent the day eavesdropping.

it was fun. good material fodder too if i were to get practical about it. it's sunny and delicious these days in the ggp. which means people at work want to sit outside. so, i too spent a lot of time outside. i heard one woman telling another about a near-death experience in which her intestines "fell out". another set of couples talking about a mutual friend that carried on affairs with different women for over 20 years. a family talking about art and working in the art world - and when i looked up, the father was a transgendered woman. a three-year-old boy with a gold medal around his neck singing every word of katy perry's "firework".

so. good.

this, that and the other

2012-01-10T20:13:00.000-08:00

next week school starts up again. i'm ready for it as working full time has been rather draining. lots of changes in the new year already. lots of goodbyes. it's bittersweet. regardless, i need to focus my brain energy on more fulfilling outlets - like writing. and learning.

also, planning a trip to new orleans in march, which i am looking forward to. i foresee lots of coffee and beignets and muffelata and crawfish. maybe only one of those is paleo. i've been a rather lazy cook this week. more braised cabbage and chicken sausage, some pilfered soup from work, taco salad. i have a nice roast chicken recipe i'm wanting to try, but have to find a iron skillet first. i was all excited about a trip to IKEA on monday, but didn't actually have a lot of success and felt overwhelmed by all the options. i believe douglas coupland calls it "option paralysis." arg.

while not officially a resolution, i did/do want to try and get outside my comfort zone more in this new year. so, saturday night finally ran out of excuses and went to the DNA lounge with t, rxs and jss. it's this dance club that does mash-ups on random saturday nights and i had been dreading going for-ever because i had built it up in my mind as this very large and overwhelming and intimidating place full of people that could...actually dance. but, it ended up being rather fun albeit full of very strange people and by midnight was a little too crowded for my taste. huzzah. fears conquered! the most disturbing moment came when one very odd man that was dancing by us, started to unzip his pants. our circle quickly became an arrow in the opposite direction, but EW. there was also random mute man and a german girl we ended up adopting into our circle for a bit. t assured me the clientele was not the norm, but i'm sticking to mowtown monday at the art bar.

sweet & savory

2012-01-04T20:16:00.000-08:00

dominated the kitchen last night, making pork carnitas and paleo granola (panola) - not in the same dish. ugh. but, it sure did smell fantastic and taste fantastic. and let me be super lazy tonight as i was both exhausted after work and the roommate managed to somehow cover the entire kitchen in flour and pinenuts.

pendulum night

2012-01-02T11:01:00.000-08:00

i'm a little bit cranky. just found out last night that they cancelled my fiction workshop for the spring and put me in another class without any notice. um...gee...thanks. i had a dream schedule worked out and now it is all wonky again. i emailed another prof to try and get in on his monday class and am trying to brainstorm plan b, but arg. good thing i'm having lunch with schoolmates today so i can get some reassurance that it will work out ok.

on the upside though, i did get a ticket to see david sedaris again in may. i guess he is doing a benefit show for my school and the scholarship program and since i get one of those scholarships, i mean, i just have to support right? hehe. regardless, he is fantastic and i am really looking forward to hearing him speak again.

the finale

2012-01-01T21:09:00.000-08:00

a new year. lots of resolutions.

the utmost being on the writing front. submitting, reading and working on a website are high on the list. i like having moments of planning and enthusiasm about what could come.

friday night caught friend cf for dinner which was a stars aligning moment as she was only in town for a wee bit. it was funny trying to play catch up after four months. a lot has happened. we also went to a restaurant i had been wanting to try for awhile called nopa. it was a very foodie scene. and delicious. didn't get home til round midnight, then it was up at 6am for work. joy.

but, i was able to squeeze in a power nap before meeting up with t and new friend rxs and walking to a party at my boss' house. had a really fun time and met a lot of interesting new people. got to geek out over writing faculty and stuff with a state mfa grad. have to look up his work now....once, i remember his name. i've also come to realize that my body instinctively knows when it's done with a party as i woke up this morning and tried to remember if there even was a countdown at midnight. i must have left before the big moment, which is a little disappointing. but rehashing events with the girls over brunch made up for it.

two more weeks before i'm back in school, so have a lot of reading and sleeping and cooking and RELAXING to do. better get to it.

long stretch

2011-12-30T17:43:00.000-08:00

ugh, what a week. business went from zero to fifty post-xmas and it's been a string of 10 hr days followed by three nights in a row of dinner with traveling friends. i love having so many people in town that i never see, but feeling very sleep-deprived and oddly enough, malnourished. almost to sunday however and planning on lots of weekend down time....and, of course, cooking.

culmination

2011-12-26T22:08:00.000-08:00

had a nice, mellow holiday weekend with jm in town and c cooking and staying at the swedish house (erm, mansion). spent the night saturday night in noe and sunday was able to celebrate the end of the whole30 with gluten-free waffles, homemade orange marmalade, bacon and a wee wee bit of cheese. AND i didn't get sick. huzzah. i oddly enough didn't have any chocolate (what i had been most craving) on sunday, but did finally treat myself to a peanut butter cup today when i went to the movies. and now the sugar headache sets in. sigh, but it was worth it.

it was nice being so lazy this weekend. and being around friends. and minimal drama. almost like an anti-holiday really. but, tomorrow is back to work. luckily, more people-that-make-me-smile are coming to town, so it will be like an extended week of cozy, happy feelings. at some point i realize i have to get some writing work in. and the idea of a new year fastly approaching is making me a little anxious. i have a lot i want to accomplish in the new year (more on that later).

oh yes, and presents. i had a great time giving gifts this holiday, which was really nice. maybe it's the people-pleaser part of me. i don't know. but, i also got some real gems myself, including a mandoline (started making crinkle chips and apple fries and all sorts of neat goodies tonight), books! and a slouchy hat. all being put to good use.

christmas morning breakfast

new lunch "box"

reading list

2011-12-23T20:16:00.000-08:00

have a slew of holiday reading to do and this vaca time is going rather quickly. i'm currently enmeshed in the collection of short stories one of my professors wrote. it just gives me so much insight into the man now. and i wonder how much is fiction and how much is reality. which i suppose is the mark of a good story. it feels real. joyce was also on my list as i hear him referenced frequently and yet never really read him. then, by a stroke of luck, i picked up a copy of ulysses on a free book table at school last week. nifty.

twenty eight days later

2011-12-22T22:24:00.000-08:00

i suppose this is 'vacation'. been working alot, but in reality, it's also been nice to have some free time. got a lot of chores done and have been knitting like crazy for some pre-xmas gifts. my fingers are sore. i'm in countdown mode for the last days of this whole30. just two more days to go before i get to eat chocolate again! hurray! i plan on keeping paleo moving forward, but loosening up a little on things like honey, chocolate and occasionally cooking with butter. (*i guess here is where i should note that after week three, I weighed myself and had lost 7 lbs. my skin also looks better and aside from a lingering cold/cough, i feel pretty darn good.)

got some meals to catch up on after lagging on the blogging front:

crock pot specialty! beef stew a la pre-assembled stew-kit from the grocery store. week four i got a little lazy on the prep front and made a lot of 'easy' dishes. got to love the slow-cooker though.

this was a "good in theory" recipe - fried green tomatoes - i couldn't find green and realized i didn't like tomatoes THAT much

what has become my sunday omelet tradition (friend at work makes these with spicy pork sausage & veggies)

my favorite dish to date has been braised cabbage with chicken sausage, of which i took some pics, but they disappeared. i think i ate cabbage/sausage at least six times week three. now, i am on a little hiatus, but i'm sure the craving will return.

a teen

2011-12-13T21:36:00.000-08:00

had my first dining out paleo-style test today and i was happy to be able to find something that worked and was really tasty. for my final middle east fiction class, we met at a cafe near campus to reflect on the past semester and play some fun/nerdy writing games. i had the flank steak salad with a chimmichurri vinaigrette (nom). and while it was a good class and good group of people, i'm glad it's over.

came home after working out to make crab cakes and homemade paleo mayo. i'm not a huge mayo consumer in general, but it was neat to actually learn how to make it myself. and the crab cakes were super tasty (albeit super fishy smelling til cooked). but, i wasn't up for documentation. next time. looking forward to having more evenings free for some cooking experimentation.

one more class to go and a slew of holiday parties. not keen on navigating the finger food and booze obstacles, but am kinda excited for an excuse to dress up and wear a little lipstick.

sweet seventeen

2011-12-12T21:34:00.000-08:00

lost my voice today. inconvenient.

my mentor reverted to asking me yes or no questions toward the end of our meeting.

it's a new week of paleo dishes and i'm starting to get more economical about food and how many veggies i actually eat in a week. still high on the egg and meat consumption, but i've started doubling recipes to beat this breakfast beast at its own game. being under the weather didn't help on the appetite issue and i ended up drinking more 'juice' (in the form of dairy-free smoothies) than i feel is totally kosher, but for the most part, still on track. sunday was the first really challenging day at work as they wheeled out a homemade bread pudding with whiskey caramel sauce. ouch.

tonight: steak in a red wine sauce and blue lake green beans. twas delicious.

espresso-ism

2011-12-10T20:12:00.000-08:00

my first attempt at poetry.

I steam the milk in the little
metal pot until it is hot to
the touch, just the way
he likes it. tilt, tip, pour.
if I wiggle my wrist just
right, I can make a
wobbly heart
that mirrors
my own.

also, tried my hand at a sestina, but waiting for my mentor meeting before posting that little gem (har har).

resuscitation

2011-12-09T18:29:00.000-08:00

mmm...been way-layed a bit with end of semester projects and inevitable illness. but, have stayed on track with paleo and found some tasty recipes along the way. am now, officially halfway through the whole 30 (end date - xmas day). biggest obstacles have been more social things than food things (hello, party season), which is a nice reinforcement that this is an endurance race, not a sprint. hard to judge the change factor just yet as i'm sleeping any spare moment i get to get over this cold.

h and i got an xmas tree last weekend, which now looks nice and colorfully cozy in the living room. i'm sporadically shopping when i get the chance, but my list is quite lengthy this year, so might resort to the interwebs soon. had to take a cpr course for work on monday, so i now know how to give a pregnant woman the heimlich maneuver, which is kind of a daunting thought, just in general. overall, ready for dec. 19th. that's my first full day off in three weeks. can't come soon enough.

sip it

2011-12-04T09:33:00.000-08:00

the williams sonoma catalogue came in the mail the other day. bastards.

i tried to throw it away, but it just keeps getting fished out of the trash for some reason. i keep lusting over espresso machines and crockpots and food processors. i think this means i've reached adulthood.

seven ate nine

2011-12-03T21:14:00.001-08:00

urg. aghhrlkshlk. pssshhhhtttsasl.

those are sounds of pain. it was a painful end to the week. managing school and thinking about eating has been a learning process. tuesday my lunch was too frozen to eat at lunch time. thursday, my dinner had lost a lot of its joi de vivre (since i made it on friday and froze it). friday was just a headache.

breakfast is a challenge. quiche take two - the one in which p&p improvises - went up in flames (metaphorically) and shortly thereafter, down the drain (literally). then, i tried scrambling eggs with almond milk. gross. i might try again without the vanilla - flavored version. the next day, i tried coconut milk. slightly better, but still incongruous in my mouth. this next week, i am trying fritattas and "egg cupcakes." neither call for the addition of milk product, so here's hoping.

i'm actually excited about a new week of recipes. and in reality, it hasn't been too bad changing my way of eating. i haven't had really any intense cravings and manage reasonably well at work being surrounded by food. (i just wish everyone would stop asking me to do tasters). but, friday was my long day at school and i had planned to eat dinner at home.

first, there was a speaker that went long. then, i had to do a reading (yay). then, there was pizza and cake being passed around (arg). then, classmate wanted to chat. luckily, she was pretty flexible, so i did get an almond latte in the mix, but got home around 9pm and was starving. it was too late to eat much, and this morning was another scrambled-fail, so the hunger and lethargy carried over to work. where i forgot my packed lunch. and had to go back to get it. then come lunch realized that the soup portion i had grabbed from the freezer was all broth. end point being that the end of the week is still in trial phase and i haven't felt very nourished in the last two days.

so, tonight i came home. scrounged up some chicken and asparagus. and then made sweet potato chips (with mustard)! WINNING

afterthought: came across a fantastic blog tonight nomnompaleo. great pics and recipes even for non-cave-people

five alive

2011-11-30T22:05:00.000-08:00

channeling some janet evanovich with these titles. just no bounty-hunter-cum-romance-lit to follow.

been eating a lot of repeats lately, so no pics at the moment, but paleo pro co-worker has promised some recipes in the near future.

somehow managed to crank through 40+13+17+26 pages of classmate's work to edit for tomorrow. i don't know how they write so long. or why everyone decided to submit their longest pieces for this week, but it was interesting to realize my threshold for certain storylines. am reading again on friday, so polished a piece i'm considering. i hope to be braver in terms of readings and submitting stories for publication next semester. it's impressive to see how much exposure the second-years acquire. aspirational i guess.

four score

2011-11-29T22:39:00.000-08:00

up: whole foods. paleo nirvana. got lots of almond and coconut milk on sale. random ingredients that i couldn't find elsewhere. and their little coffee shop even does almond lattes. score.

down: forgetting to thaw my lunch beforehand and not having time to eat it during my lunch break (at school).

it's a learning week. some cooking foibles for sure. but, i feel like i'm starting to get the hang of things.

also feeling the urge to bury under the covers and read like crazy one day soon. hopefully the stars will align with a rainy, day off on winter break.

tre

2011-11-28T20:53:00.000-08:00

was rather bionic today (yay, homework, cleaning and changing lightbulbs). but, really the highlight of the day was finding pre-made kale chips at the natural food store in the marina. and *drumroll please* they taste like CHEESE. what? i just wish coffee shops had almond or coconut milk and this thing would be a breeze.

tonight's dinner was truly delicious: vegetable & ground turkey marinara with spaghetti squash. (spaghetti squash is kind of blowing my mind right now)

tomorrow starts the busy with class and an evening poetry reading in oakland. well, at least there are kale chips.

deux

2011-11-27T19:45:00.000-08:00

day two, much better. but, the carb cravings have begun. i don't, oddly enough, have cheese on the brain - like i thought i would. but i kind of missed bread today. moreso, something 'snacky' after work. i made kale chips on friday, but by today they were just a soggy lump in the bag. i guess you have to use fresh kale. and eat them as you go. luckily, they are one of the easier things to make.

lunch was delicious. friend iz at work made me an omelet with all sorts of tasty veggies (tasty veggies? who am i?) and then i had the turkey meatball soup (shout out to m! for the recipe) that i made on friday. it was kind of funny seeing everyone eyeing my soup since we pretty much have a menu full of gourmet food to choose from every day. the grass is greener per usual i guess.

still feeling lethargic, but no headaches today. also, have satisfied my 'sweet tooth' with good earth's sweet & spicy tea. no real sugar that i can decipher. thank you cinnamon and chicory! inadvertently ate lamb for the first time yesterday too. damn, it was delicious. sigh. i had feeling about that one.

as much fun as all this paleo planning has been (and i say that with a touch of sarcasm), have to really get back into the school mindset tomorrow. cooking after work isn't great, but cooking after my late/long days are pretty much a no go. i think i have the freezer pretty well filled for the rest of the week.

so yeah. almond-meal crusted chicken tenders, paleo bbq sauce, spicy red potatoes.

numero uno

2011-11-26T19:49:00.000-08:00

so, i realize that by posting pictures of my meals, i am quite possibly becoming one of those people that must keep the www updated on what goes into their mouths. but, i've also always posted beautiful pictures of food (per this blog's original origins). and i hope i can also add some snark. there. snark and food pics. no one's done that before right? :)

anyway, day one of paleo down. that was alright.

it was weird eating breakfast. if anything, i'm a protein shake-chugged-over-the-kitchen-sink kind of girl. i know, classy, right? it was weirder eating spicy chicken sausage & spinach quiche baked in a heart shaped pan for breakfast. but i did feel nice and full on my bike ride into work. hmmm...where did that gnawing pain in my stomach go? that was strange. lunch wasn't as difficult as i thought it would be as the soup of the day was actually paleo-friendly. i had also brought some mixed nuts, but everyone at my table decided to eat most of them, so...there's that. i had brought in some almond milk to have with my coffee as i'm not sure i will ever really be able to drink coffee black. it was still very bitter. that cut me to the quick. no more lattes.

ok, i'll now admit - this is hard.

web commenters and friends alike warned about headaches and lethargy the first few days as your body goes through sugar/processed crap withdrawal. considering the amount of pie i ate on thanksgiving, the lingering headache this afternoon wasn't too bad. i'm still cooking up a storm in preparation for the week. so far, so manageable in the work arena, but school starts back up on tuesday and with it the urge to snack.

oh yeah, dinner: garlic flank steak cooked in coconut oil, grilled asparagus and homemade paleo bbq sauce. tasty!

dino dish(es)

2011-11-25T13:54:00.000-08:00

delicious and mellow thanksgiving in the haight yesterday. a fitting farewell to dairy and grains as tomorrow starts day one of a paleo whole30 i am doing this next month. spent last night researching/menu planning/cleaning out the cabinets & fridge. and today did a hefty load of shopping. have some kale chips in the oven to start, then plan to crank out about 9 recipes, so i don't have to do much cooking during the week. takes a lot of brain energy, but i hear only rave reviews from my paleo buddies, so worth a shot. hoping to post some meals on here in the coming month if they turn out well. and even moreso, hoping to feel some sort of energy shift.

thank you

2011-11-22T20:47:00.000-08:00

a nice, albeit very quick sojourn up north this past weekend. did nothing like fire dancing or anything that exciting, but it was nice to talk with dear ones and drink copious amounts of coffee and work out. a lot. this whole week feels kind of like vacation though. i had my only class of the week today. only have one day of work tomorrow. and the roommate is gone through monday. my laundry is currently in a large pile on the living room floor. books are on the couch and for the next few days i will sleep with all the doors open. ah, single life. jealous much?

also, had a good mentor meeting yesterday and have lots of synapses firing on the writing front. i just hope i can make the most of this free time and not be too consumed by old episodes of buffy the vampire slayer on netflix. oh yeah, and then there is that thanksgiving thing...

food apocalypse

2011-11-16T21:22:00.000-08:00

had dinner at a delicious albeit decadent little spot called straw tonight. it's carnival/circus-themed with dishes like sweet potato tater tots, a burger nestled between house-made glazed donuts, peppermint cotton candy, chicken-n-waffle monte cristo and the list goes on. t and i ate ourselves silly. it was painful but delicious. and we felt like kids, which is a nice thing to feel every once in awhile. but, while over-indulgence is a holiday tradition, i'm also doing some research on the paleo lifestyle. there is something alluring about people who claim to feel amazing. energy, not caffeination. what's that?

mushaboom

2011-11-15T19:17:00.000-08:00

feist at the warfield last night. been wanting to see her since 2008. fantastic show. vocal nirvana. can't really say much more.

am slowly eeking into burn-out mode. ready to take a mini-vaca this weekend and get a little change of scenery. trying to push my writing boundaries this week though and think more fantastical. so says the realism writer.

rickshaw stop

2011-11-10T17:24:00.000-08:00

love those 'lightbulb' musical moments. got to catch this amazing-ness on tuesday.

dissolution

2011-11-09T05:22:00.000-08:00

In ’89 they grew tired of each other. That’s what people who fall out of love do. Yell. Cry. Hurt one another. And then she left. He sold the house and moved across town to a brown-shingled apartment with an aquamarine pool. Peddled used cars on weekends to pay for the divorce. Ate macaroni with his daughter at the dining room table while watching Saturday morning cartoons. When it was final and legal and no more than neatly stacked sheets of paper in a manila envelope, he rented a moving truck and made plans to head west.

baby

2011-11-08T08:54:00.000-08:00

part of some linked micro-shorts i'm working on:

In ’83 they had a baby. A girl. And dressed her in pearls. And told her she was wonderful and that the world was full of great things. He built baby a little, yellow sandbox in the backyard. She filled the table in the garage with finger paints in blues, purples and greens and big reams of butcher paper. In the summer they lay on their backs in the Bermuda grass pinning their hopes and dreams on the stars as they raced across the navy blue sky.

the wedding

2011-11-07T08:51:00.000-08:00

In ’77 her father, the judge, married them in the big field at the end of the lane where the grass grows tall and lean before bending over in strawberry-blonde waves. They both wore white. He in ruffles, she in lace. And the party lasted until the sun began to water down the night sky. He held her hand as they cast a sea of wishes upon the stars.

sound of silence

2011-11-06T20:51:00.000-08:00

been riding my bike to work without the ipod lately. not sure what that says about my mental state of late, but kind of nice to budget some quiet time for the head.

sundae on wednesday

2011-11-03T09:20:00.000-07:00

ugh, ate delicious sundaes at ghiradelli square with t last night. for dinner.

it was one of the few things left on my very small touristy-things-to-do list. and man, were they big and sickening. but free. so, there's that. been living off soup as tis the season lately and although this is a foodie city. and although i get delicious lunch for free at work everyday. i've really just been craving a nice, old school home-cooked meal. which, being an adult and all is quite feasible for me to make. but, where's the fun in that? as friend gb used to say, sometimes you just want a nice meat-n-three.

nifty

2011-11-02T09:39:00.000-07:00

hit refresh

2011-11-01T21:34:00.000-07:00

registered for spring classes today and am super excited to get everything i wanted. well, version b. i had to accept that taking the classes i wanted and having the schedule i wanted were not going to be mutually exclusive, so i chose schedule first. really, that's the only dark spot on this semester thus far. that, and a few personalities that i have to work with. (insert line about life lessons and difficult people here).

mostly, i am ready for what lies ahead. a few more weeks of writing and editing and learning. holidays and wonderful people and hopefully a mini-little weekend trip to the valley in there somewhere. not to mention the cute pair of tights with little hearts on them that i got this evening. that and red lipstick. for some reason, both those things put me in the holiday mood.

ghost

2011-10-31T21:13:00.000-07:00

neighbors

2011-10-30T09:12:00.000-07:00

introductions

2011-10-29T09:09:00.000-07:00

part of my first workshopped piece. ah, the learning experience...

The sun was cutting big, fat stripes across the kitchen floor. We watched the stripes stretch and pull and fight and bounce past the big chink in the wood where papa dropped his hammer two years ago while building that sandbox for sister.
It was just a bunch of yellow wood nailed together really. The kind you find from time to time half sunk in the brown mud of Lake Ponchartrain. But, papa had filled that box with soft, white sand that fell from your fingers like water, and even tossed in a little, red plastic trowel and bucket, rooted in its place. And then sister was happy.
Papa had long since left for work at the newspaper, leaving two sweet, smooth tangerines perched on the kitchen table. Sister and I peeled them fast, scattering little bits of rind and pulp across the shadowy columns. We pivoted back and forth on the kitchen chairs, licking each sticky finger clean before rocketing through the screen door, onto the porch and into the day.

green house

2011-10-25T08:00:00.000-07:00

thin, blue line

2011-10-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

i guess it's time to post some of the stuff i've been working on for school. just the intro. too much to put it all down for now:

It was late. The bathroom light cast a yellowish glow like a burning star set against the dark slate of the sleeping apartment. Cassie sat with her lower back against the cool exterior of the tub, tracing the lines of grout in the tile floor with her index finger. It was as if the simple act of mimicking finite order and geometry would keep everything from falling apart. Her fingers moved along the edges of three more squares before she finally let herself look at the little plastic tube resting against her thigh. Before she let the thin, blue line register in her mind. Before it meant making decisions. Before everything would change.

pumpkin spice

2011-10-23T11:20:00.000-07:00

finally getting some pictures uploaded. huzzah. last weekend went to the half moon bay pumpkin festival. it was nice to get out of the city for a wee bit even though the festival was very crowded and a little more urban than the 'rustic' adventure we had anticipated. but, a few pumpkin patch stops on the way back home helped jdv, tr and i get our fill of fried delicacies and pumpkin-themed arts and crafts.

oakland after dark

2011-10-15T20:26:00.000-07:00

wow, another weekend. the apartment is quiet and it's time to catch up on stuff.

last weekend, went to oakland for a classmate's bday party. the classmate hosting had an awesome, huge space in a semi-sketchy part of town. and it was really fun to hang out, dance party, hula hoop and jump on the tiny trampoline in the corner. no, i'm not above trampolining in public.

come two a.m. and we're all crashing (myself especially so after working a 730am shift that morning). so, i reach for the car keys and plan to head home. but, then there is mewing for rides home and i'm a softy and remember being a pedestrian myself, so i oblige. but, no one really knows oakland very well and we embark on what soon becomes a scenic, early-morning trek. there is lots of turnarounds and smart phone-gps-ing and finally it is just three chicas on our way back to the city. except that i must have turned the wrong way down the 24 because it's really dark and the highway signs start talking about lafayette, which i know is very much not in the right direction. more smart phone gps-ing and loopty loo's and finally pour myself into bed around 4 a.m. epic.

but, really i am old and a homebody and socializing just wears me out and i'm probably bringing shame to my age as we speak.

this weekend, it's half moon bay and the annual pumpkin festival. mmm...food-centric festivals.

nom de plume

2011-10-12T21:32:00.001-07:00

litquake is this week. tons of awesome literary stuff. it's like dessert. and i vowed to go last year when i learned about it. but have no time this week. sigh. how do people bounce around so much, i don't know. those days of back-to-back appointments just wear me out. maybe next year...

confectionaire

2011-10-09T22:00:00.000-07:00

working my way through gesine bullock prado's baking memoir/cookbook. golden eggs - check. savory scones with ham and gruyere - check. feels good to get my hands knuckle deep in flour from time to time. just wish there was more time to do so. mmm...tasty.

knit, wear

2011-10-06T23:05:00.001-07:00

caffeination nation

2011-10-03T19:11:00.000-07:00

had a crash course lesson in table side service today. at least i walked away with a free bowtie. might have to rock that look moving forward.

rounded out the evening by finding out that i am up on the docket for friday pizza reading at school. first "public" reading. now have to add polishing some piece to my homework list. baby steps toward reading for strangers. must caffeinate.

tra la la

2011-10-02T19:48:00.001-07:00

well, i wildly misdiagnosed the amount of time i would have to devote to blogging once school commenced. almost one month in and things are finally starting to come together. granted, it still feels a lot like i am running a marathon and barely have time to catch my breath. but, last week i had three stories workshopped and got a good percentage of positive feedback, so i am going to take that feeling and run with it.

this past weekend was the first proper weekend i've had off in awhile and spent it mainly at the bluegrass festival in ggp. saturday was quite enjoyable. soaked up some sun, chatted with friends i hadn't seen in awhile and finally got to hear merle haggard perform. which is a little odd to admit that i finally catch him in fog city after living twenty minutes away from him for almost three years. *shrugs* it was a good show.

sunday was also enjoyable for more of the acts i wanted to catch and getting to see some valley folk and different friends. but, i also got a last minute call in to work on monday, so the nagging arm of pending homework assignments just kept clouding my brain. boo hiss.

while no vacations as of yet this fall, i do have little musical punctuation marks to look forward to. very excited for paul simon later this month and feist in november. a reward for the ears if i ever do finish this homework....

go with the flow

2011-09-21T19:04:00.000-07:00

we practiced stream of consciousness writing in my lit class yesterday. everyone wrote neat, tidy, little paragraphs. i made a list. go figure. it went something like this:

neck hurts
man, neck really hurts
i'm thirsty
can't believe i forgot to read the handout
i hope i don't get a parking ticket
neck still hurts
where is jayo?
my hand hurts too
not as bad as my neck
ugh, i'm thirsty
are we done yet?

yup, literary prose at it's finest. in case anyone was wondering what two minutes inside my brain looked like. veeeeery intriguing.

plum spot

2011-09-19T09:31:00.000-07:00

have some green tea steeping, a couple loads of laundry in the wash and a blank screen in front of me. i almost wish i could start every morning like this. played hooky from work yesterday after a 10-hr shift saturday. i needed it. went to the park, soaked in the sun, got the bulk of my assigned reading done. went and saw "the help" afterwards. so, that's what a day off can accomplish?

yesterday was dad's birthday. i called to send word love. he was off to the fair with the newer family. mom called too, to say that she had to put dog down. i don't remember spending a birthday with dad. both things made me sad in a kind of distant way.

one liner

2011-09-17T19:18:00.000-07:00

i have too much on my plate to have strange dreams of romance and rescues. must be an anxiety manifestation. ah, life.

brush strokes

2011-09-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

painting class today. for six hours. felt so out of my element. very emotional, but still enjoyable. i think i will learn a lot in there. if not about painting, at least about myself.

amazing grace

2011-09-14T20:32:00.000-07:00

had a fairly unenjoyable weekend full of work, office politics and mean-girl social dynamics. i wish i could say i had a day or two to recoup from all this, but alas no. it is full-steam ahead. two weeks and counting. eventually i do hope to figure something out. some sort of regular break, if not for my sanity.

had an especially troubling monday melancholy and critical voice around my writing. i had this story in my head, but just couldn't move past a couple paragraphs with it. tuesday night, i went to a poetry reading in berkeley (hippie much? heh) and picked up the collected stories of grace paley while waiting at the bookstore. paragraph one and i was already feeling bolstered:

"In 1954 or '55 I decided to write a story. I had written a few nice paragraphs with some first class sentences in them, but I hadn't known how to let women and men into the language, nor could I find the story in those pieces of prose."

if only i could describe how much that little nugget filled my heart with joy. the literary antidote.

hatchmark

2011-09-11T10:05:00.000-07:00

ten years.

i'm writing this two days prior. but, i know the news will be nothing but a blanket of slogans. about remembrance. and loss and courage. important words when they aren't tied to political agendas. it's interesting to be this age now. when things can be counted off in decades. when ten years ago feels like another being was inhabiting my body. when we've stopped hoping for something to define our generation, like the vietnam war did to the one before. and another war before that. and another before that. it's an awful lot of violence.

i fear natural disasters more than terrorists these days. i'm not sure what that says about the state of things, but it's the truth. but mostly, today i am sad. for lots of things within myself and many more on a bigger scope. it's a collective feeling of loss. and that's a lot of pain to deal with. even ten years later.

the ebb

2011-09-10T00:51:00.000-07:00

they saw each other less these days. falling folly to time and circumstance. it was like autumn had ushered in a shift in their relationship along with the cooler nights and orange-speckled trees. he looked at her sometimes, trying to think of what to say. making small exclamations about work and the weather, that fell from his lips in a flurry of garbled consonants. she wondered why he smiled less. but tried to busy herself with small chores, moving from one day to the next, only to wake from dreams of him with an aching heart and heavy limbs. was this the disintegration of them? he who wrapped his arms tightly around her in those early days of fear and loathing. and she who greeted him each morning with a smile, that lifted his gaze from the path in front of him.

new medium

2011-09-09T12:31:00.000-07:00

egads, almost a whole week has gone by. starting to feel the challenges of regular blogging amid a crazy life schedule. but, i think things will smooth out soon enough. today marks me being almost done with my first week of grad school classes. and my first week in a leadership position at work. changes changes all around. and although everything is so new and unknown, i'm excited about the possibilities and how things have progressed thus far.

this morning i sat in on an undergrad painting class i wanted to pick up as an elective credit. when i first emailed the professor to request a spot in his already-full class, he expressed great interest in having a writing student in the class. i thought it was a nice plug for diversity. an hour into the class and his biographical background, he confessed to us that he didn't learn to read or write until he was 21. it was then that his wife read him the collected work of james joyce in bed every night and he began to become literate. so interesting to meet such an amazing storyteller, who uses a medium completely devoid of written words. and while i feel a little out of my element picking up a paintbrush, i could listen to this man talk for hours.

espresso art

2011-09-03T18:18:00.000-07:00

thou shalt not covet...the latte bear.

name game

2011-08-31T21:41:00.001-07:00

i'm liking these writer-folk. they are weird. and nerdy. and prone to fits of giggles. and already discussing halloween costumes. i think i will fit in fine. although many moments of verbal diaharrea as i try to amp up the socialization. i've noticed i'm much better at small-talk than i used to be. maybe it is a comfort thing. as in, at least this is my city. or maybe going on two years of customer service work preceeded by three years of news work has made me an introvert that can fake it til she makes it.

assessment

2011-08-30T20:12:00.000-07:00

today was day one of grad student orientation. i prioritized by grabbing a double latte in the little atrium cafe before joining the check-in line and finding an array of free coffee pots on the other side. doh.

it was a good day of socializing with other students and getting a few questions answered, although the lecture hall was boiling hot and i quickly started to regret my caffination choices when dehydration and a caffeine headache set in. by late afternoon, i was over the carpeted walls and decided to skip the gsa mixer for a foggy jaunt back home and a cardio class. clean ocean air and endorphins proved a great remedy.

made two classmate connections on opposite sides of the spectrum. met a student who came off as sort of brash and arrogant and another who was quiet and thoughtful. makes me interested to see how these first impressions develop. tomorrow is more quality time with our departments before a night shift at work. so the time-management battle begins.

distortion

2011-08-29T22:12:00.000-07:00

long, working weekend punctuated by a dessert date with friend nl, who i hadn't seen in over a month. it was nice to talk about life over cheesecake and coffees. and to just sit and rest weary bones. weekends are so draining these days. i hope it is just temporary. today was my only day off for the next two weeks, so....i went shopping. joy. (major sarcastic undertones). but, took t with me and it wasn't too exhausting.

a couple weeks ago, i read a study about how stores like to blast loud music and spray multiple scents because supposedly it overwhelms shopper's senses so much, they make a lot more impulse buys. something about over-stimulation. i was having a hard time already today with so many choices and patterns, but it's a funny thing to notice how true that idea seems to ring. in a perfect world, i would like to thing shopping could be like going to the library. quiet, clean and everything in neat little rows.

burst

2011-08-26T10:09:00.000-07:00

lapses

2011-08-25T20:04:00.000-07:00

when did it get to be thursday? I'm having a hard time writing lately. which i hope just means i am freeing up some mental space for lots of writing come two weeks from now. next week is orientation for school and after looking at the schedule of events each day, i realize that i need to prioritize a.) where to park and b.) where to stay caffinated. i am horribly spoiled at the moment with super-ample access to free espresso drinks at any whim.

but, i'm ready to spend a bit more quality time with my laptop than i have in the past two years. and hope to have some more inspired posts here in the near future.

ain't no mountain high enough

2011-08-22T20:18:00.000-07:00

lots of anxiety this morning, but feeling much better by evening. attended a day of activities organized by second-year students at school to welcome in first-years. was very nervous with the whole meeting-new-people-overwhelming-unknowns-etc. but had so many questions answered and a lot of fears (mainly revolving around preparedness) appeased. the faculty i met were really approachable and great and the students an interesting mix. the second years made me feel a lot more confident about my life-work ratio issues and ability to handle all this. yay, biggest hurdle of the moment - overcome.

tomorrow i am taking the day for myself (after long, draining working weekend) to head to the east bay, shop for swedish furniture and hopefully spend some time in the sun. may even squeeze in some afternoon scrabble with k. huzzah!

brain mush

2011-08-18T22:47:00.000-07:00

finding it hard to focus. worked an extremely early shift today and came home with the hopes of a little nap to re-energize and get things accomplished. it was my only free afternoon/evening for the next week and instead ended up half-dozing til 8pm. managed to get a load of laundry through, but feel kind of painted into a corner in regards to other chores. promised the roommate a belated birthday baking spree on sunday (after work?) but still have to get creative on other birthday cards/goodies. funny how birthdays always seem to happen in threes. so many summer babies. sigh.

despite my inability to get out of the house tonight, i reconciled myself with the thought that at least i'd get some knitting (starting early on holiday stockpile) and reading done. nope. oddly again got distracted with a random fitness magazine which proved simultaneously depressing and motivating. ugh.

and so a schizophrenic blogpost to mirror an equally scatterbrained evening. if only one day i can operate as a well-oiled machine of efficiency and clarity. living the dream.

westward

2011-08-16T23:12:00.000-07:00

oh, weekends. after surviving the inebriated masses, parking clusterf*ck and booming bass of outside lands (and not actually attending), hopped at the opportunity to get out of dodge for the day with t as we explored the booming metropolis of grass valley, ca on monday. it was a little bit of a system shock for me. the stores closed at 5pm, the restaurants at 8. and whilst trying to kill some time, i walked the whole stretch of "downtown" in about twenty minutes. but, the weather was delightfully warm and i think t got a kick out of showing me her old haunts. plus, there's always the interstate banter.

today, put on some real clothes to head in to work to see the picasso exhibit (meh). i was a bit surprised at the complete lack of any text throughout, but the man could paint. ran some errands, worked out, and spent the entire evening (3 hours) learning about food handler safety in order to get certified by the state. it was such a moment of school syndrome (fighting the urge to fall asleep, getting distracted, needing bathroom breaks) that i was a little worried about my resolve upon entering the classroom again in three weeks. but, creative things get my mojo going and hopefully grad school will be a different speed.

this next weekend is already chocked full of bday parties, housewarmings, entertaining sis' friend and pre-orientation/school spirit activities, i'm a little relishing this time of silence. so starts the storm.

me zone

2011-08-12T22:45:00.001-07:00

the roommate is abroad this week. and while i've been primarily dealing with some temporary hearing loss and the resulting trials and tribulations, it has been nice to enjoy some of the freedoms of solitude. like not wearing pants around the house. or leaving doors wide open. and complete freedom/space in the kitchen. sigh, sometimes i miss those little things.

necessities

2011-08-11T18:22:00.001-07:00

stacked

2011-08-10T18:22:00.000-07:00

cuddlebug

2011-08-09T19:53:00.001-07:00

prickly

2011-08-08T18:21:00.000-07:00

mile by mile

2011-08-05T08:20:00.000-07:00

in '76 they spent the summer driving across the country. that's what people in love did. drove through miles of desert. stopped and took pictures in front of random road signs. ate big, thick slices of watermelon under the hot, afternoon sun. a few weeks later, they watched the grateful dead play in the city by the bay. a few years later, they had a baby. a girl. and they dressed her in pearls. in the summer of '89, they grew tired of each other. that's what people who fall out of love do. yell. cry. hurt one another. and then she left. he sold the house and moved across town. peddled used cars on the weekends to pay for the divorce. in the summer of '90 she married another man. they packed up the car and drove across the country. pitched tents. ate marshmallows hot from the fire. and listened to crickets crowing at night. that's the nature of things.

thin finned

2011-08-04T19:01:00.000-07:00

it's shark week. huzzah!

and despite my slightly irrational fear of sharks, i much prefer to dive right in to the cult frenzy surrounding marine-heavy programming than the last three weeks of my life. i survived. wahoo. some of it was good, but mostly i am emotionally drained after back-to-back weekends of traveling and/or guests, including heavy doses of family. it's funny (not really) how much the whole experience felt like acting - like being another person. and i gave up any dramatic ambitions just shy of my sophomore year of high school. makes me appreciate this little, authentic life i've carved for myself. full of quiet moments, gray skies, warm friendships and meaningful conversations.

reset

2011-08-01T19:20:00.000-07:00

epic FAIL of a day. culminating in getting my car towed, after being parked in a perfectly fine spot for an hour. but evidently to the ire of some old bastard sitting in his apartment with nothing better to do. so, after running around all morning with mom, end the day at the impound lot paying out the nose for the privilege of driving back in rush hour traffic. still, come home and after putting on some comfy clothes, chat with buddy gb about a cancer patient he is photographing for work, which i guess puts things in perspective.

stills

2011-07-29T08:53:00.000-07:00

last night stopped by friend jd's house on the way home, since i was in the neighborhood. and we sat on the steps, swinging legs back and forth and chatted for a good, long stretch. and despite the fog. and despite the cold, dark night. it felt like a summer moment.

happy concentrate

2011-07-28T08:51:00.000-07:00

i was riding my bike to work the other morning, a route that cuts through golden gate park, and passed a meadow with the sprinklers on full blast. and running through the sprinklers were five gleeful pomeranians while their master stood in the middle watching. it made me grin. a concentrated pack of happiness.

disposed

2011-07-27T07:22:00.000-07:00

it felt good in the sun. it warmed them like turtles upon a rock. he reached for her hand, finding first the slender digits curled tight against her palm. he loosened them a bit, taking her hand in his and giving a little squeeze. but she did not return the pressure. instead, her fingers fell still, in an open claw. it was then he knew that she was gone. he let go of her hand and felt the sun, felt it heat his face. then, he wondered, could he feel his legs.

soft place to land

2011-07-26T19:01:00.000-07:00

arg, an update. been traveling for two weekends in a row and am beat. spent this past weekend in angel city dealing with family stuff and getting sun and generally feeling bored and annoyed at LA overall. upside: i did a lot of reading. finished kitchen confidential by anthony bourdain and flight by sherman alexie. and read the inaugural issue of lucky peach that landed in my mailbox this past week. i love food writing, but 172 pages about ramen? gives me a headache and noodle craving all in one.

mom arrives this upcoming weekend, along with friend gb, who needed a place to crash. then, august is upon us. sigh. that means school is on the horizon and lots of unknowns. exciting but a little nervous energy as well. i'm ready to be writing.

pastoral

2011-07-22T08:31:00.000-07:00

mile high

2011-07-19T21:30:00.000-07:00

loca motion

2011-07-18T19:46:00.000-07:00

whew.

to rewind.

thursday night friend c and i headed to potrero for a literary cabaret hosted by litquake to celebrate bastille day. it was 20's themed and tres fun. local authors dressed up like hemmingway, joyce, fitzgerald and aniis nin and for a series of readings. there were also an absinthe fountain and tri-color coctails, book raffles and french cheeses. very fun, but very late night followed by a very early friday morning work shift.

still, after work hopped in the car and headed north for birthday party and dear ones time. although i was craving some intense heat and sunshine, the weather stayed pretty mild all weekend. got to dress up a little, dance, eat cheese, see a wizard movie and relax. not much sleep, but i'd rather be zombified for more time with my familial group. have a 3-day work week before a trip to angel city next weekend. this is the july that just doesn't stop.

departure

2011-07-14T09:28:00.000-07:00

mama cried softly as she grabbed my hand, pinching ever so slightly between the knuckle and tip of my fingers. it was supposed to be reassuring, i suppose, but in hindsight all i remembered was the fear. the way he threw her green, enamel suitcase down the front stairs, pushing her swiftly after it. please don't fall mama. my heart was beating so loudly in my chest, i was afraid he could hear it. afraid my cover behind the bushes would be revealed. and there we would be once again. the eye of the storm. false promises, quick apologies and nothing but pretenses. mama grabbed her suitcase off the sidewalk, scraping its side in a muffled groan of gritty cement. i burst forward after her. one hand in hers, the other lunging for the suitcase.

inception

2011-07-13T09:22:00.000-07:00

in the beginning, there was light. oh, how he loved the light. loved the way it bounced and fluttered. loved the heat and how it warmed his outstretched palm. he hung the light high, a mantel piece for what would become his creation. and when all the work was done, when he sat back and took in his craftsmanship. seven days of light and heat and hands worn rough with calluses; when he blew a gentle wind that rustled trees and stirred tides - then he was content.

carnival

2011-07-12T09:18:00.000-07:00

the ferris wheel goes round and round and there is sick upon the ground. the ferris wheel goes round and round and now people are screaming and there is blood. lots of blood. and sick on the ground and deep, dark pools of blood. the ferris wheel goes round and round and they are shouting to get off. they are screaming and shouting to get off and the pools of deep, dark blood just grow and grow. and the ferris wheel just goes round and round and round. and a man comes by with a mop. he wipes it across the blood and sick and the people ask him to pull the lever as the ferris wheel goes round and he mops up all the blood.

left

2011-07-11T21:07:00.000-07:00

she watched the truck pull away, crunching up all that asphalt as it turned out of the driveway - as he turned out of the driveway. she listened as the tires mashed and gnawed at those broken bits of tar and glass and stone. her head roared, but her mouth was silent.

there was just the violent crunch and then nothing. he was gone from her life as quickly as he entered it. she sat down on the concrete stairs leading to their apartment and picked up a handful of rocks torn loose from the driveway. one by one she swallowed them, letting them stick in her throat, tearing their way down the soft, fushia lining. falling still until they held her in place, motionless.

stifled

2011-07-08T19:02:00.000-07:00

i don't know why it's been hard to write entries lately. i haven't been any more or less busy than usual. i've stopped reading this past week. i find it hard to focus. guess it's a good thing i'm headed to the valley next weekend. need some sunshine and good company to recharge. to get my head out of the fog.

terrain-ium

2011-07-06T19:05:00.000-07:00

this city is so bizarre.

and there are times when i remember why i like it here. this morning for instance, rode my bike through the fog in golden gate park. it was cinematic. and burned off to beautiful sunshine by noon.

condensed soup

2011-07-05T11:45:00.000-07:00

whew.

what a weekend. today might have to be my food/sleep detox. too much of one, too little of the other. i'm feeling so much older aka sleepier these days. friday ended up working a 10-hour day, which was fine, but got to turn around and come back early saturday for another shift. then, after work headed to the local pizza place to meet up with former exhibit bosses cum friends and old coworkers for a mini-reunion. the p's were in town from denver for a mini-vaca and it was nice to play catchup into the wee hours of the morning. yawn.

sunday, i had the day off and went with friends jdv and jc to the stern grove amphitheater in the outer sunset to see neko case and the dodos. it.was.packed. and not quite like the ggp where one can spread out, but we found a little space and camped out, baked in the sun and listened to some amazing tunes. it was my kind of day.

monday, it was back to work before heading to friend k's place for so.much.food, fireworks in the street, conversations with new and interesting people and all other celebrations late into the night. came home to find scout hiding under the bed (oops) and had to calm her down as random fireworks went off throughout the night. not her favorite holiday i suppose.

what a start to july. i'm a little excited. and got in tons of laughs. like last night when k (who was hopped up on dayquil to fight a cold) pointed to an easel covered in red, white and blue crepe paper, candles and flags and said "that's our shrine to diana ross"

***long pause*** "I mean betsy ross!"

twin peaks

2011-07-03T22:00:00.000-07:00

dialogue

2011-07-02T11:37:00.000-07:00

"i was thinking the other day, that what if this is it? am i ok with that?"

"what do you mean?"

"i mean, i used to feel lonely on a day-to-day scale. now, that is not the case. i can amuse myself enough for twenty four hours. distract. whatever. but, now i feel the loneliness in a larger, overarching sense. like it's always with me, always will be."

manifesting destiny

2011-07-01T23:22:00.000-07:00

lots of thoughts to spend time with tonight.

after an emotionally draining day yesterday, was rewarded with a mellower agenda today. small tasks with which to recharge and set an even keel.

to add to that, conversations with two different men that changed my perspective a bit. not necessarily in a romantic slant, but more made me realize how nice it is to open up and get to know someone new, the novelty of sharing more than surface level dialogue. and then to find the zen that has replaced the question mark that replaced the anger. maybe that is what they call growth? ha. thank you universe, i needed that.

REM cycle

2011-06-30T22:31:00.000-07:00

the dreams were getting more frequent. varied in color and scope, but always quite realistic. two days ago, she woke in tears. her heart twisting into a tight rope of grief. the next night a yellowish green melancholy settled into her bones like a fine dust. where were the dreams heralded by peals of laughter? but instead her mind was dulled by dark machinations. ideas that floated in and out of the subconscious like ghosts. leaving nothing but a filmy trail by morning.

outerlands

2011-06-29T23:03:00.000-07:00

potato & porcini soup w. pain au levain

delusions of grandeur

2011-06-28T11:37:00.000-07:00

she kept grasping at the ends of her hair. winding it into a tight, little corkscrew before releasing and starting all over again. letting the strands fall where they may. it was idiosyncratic, she knew. but it was almost easier to let her fingers be kinetic while her mind held still. at least that's how she visualized her mind. hovering in place, wrapped around the thought of him. and wondering was it all worth it? how much time did one invest in a road that only dead-ended. in something that was just an illusion. nothing more.

groovin'

2011-06-27T15:04:00.000-07:00

the past two years, i jumped head first into the melee of pride weekend. i mean, it's quintessential san francisco. and it was fun. sunny days, floats, fascinating people watching, great margaritas. but, this year i decided to lay low and avoid downtown. been there, done that. so, instead went to watch a friend's band perform last night. and had a great time. danced my socks off with a great group of pals, swapped stories and was home before midnight. i think this condensed socialization is becoming my new norm. a side effect of old age? perhaps. but, totally my thing.

weathered

2011-06-24T21:59:00.000-07:00

my hands are betraying me.

it's kind of my worst nightmare. losing use of my hands. that, and having my mind deteriorate. (family history makes that frighteningly plausible). luckily, it's nothing that horrific. but, a daily routine of garlic peeling has caused my fingers to blister and callous. for awhile it was painful (burning, itching, tender to the touch). now it's just unsightly and uncomfortable. i started putting cortizone cream on at night, but no luck. so, today i brought out the big guns. BAG BALM.

yes, it's that stuff they used (maybe still do) put on cow's udders. it's from vermont and been around for 100 years, so i'm throwing down 10 bones to see if it works. fingers marginally crossed.

food coma

2011-06-23T00:00:00.000-07:00

last night put on my real-person clothes after work and headed to the mission for the release party of publishing powerhouse mcsweeney's new food journal "lucky peach". one of the editors momofuko creator david chang was there amid other nifty foodie/literary things. it took a bit of waiting to get in the door (as the band/dj guest list turned out to be quite extensive) and they ran out of magazines (arg), but friend nkk still got a hug from the chef and i got some quality time in groovin' with my girlfriends. (*secret wish was for some magical literary networking with dave eggers, but alas).

then, while strolling around the block, we stumbled across That's It, the liquor store/sandwich shop made famous on the San Francisco edition of "No Reservations." well, this was a must-stop, so in proper anthony bordain fashion, friend jd and i split the cubano (passed on the tecate though). ugh, it was a beast. and even half of the sandwich, featuring: egg, sausage, ham, pork leg and hot dogs made me question my stomach's fortitude. sigh, a night of foodie fervor. quite delicious.

new kid on the block

2011-06-22T08:47:00.000-07:00

so, i wrote about our dallas-neighborhood pig oscar qualifying for the guiness book of records and then subsequently passing away. today, in my inbox i got a pic of our newest neighbor - oliver. SO ADORABLE. but he has some big shoes...er, hooves to fill.